remembering the sound of your voice is difficult. it's like remembering a dream after it's long over--i'm not really sure if i'm remembering it correctly, or if i'm giving it attributes of my own, trying to piece it together from patches of memories.
and so, hearing it for real. is an indescribable sensation. something like falling back into a dream i had as a child, and knowing that entire dream world like the back of my hand, even though it's been years. it's a shock, at first, and then it's as familiar and intimate as the shirt i sleep in.
your genuine laughter, your gentle assurance, the way you think out loud, the way you speak so softly sometimes i have to be in silence to hear you over the line. the distance between us is great but you cross that chasm easily with your voice. and you don't even know it.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
letters
from tumblr. unwritten letters. i think i'll start doing these here.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Thursday, July 01, 2010
before i knew better
don't know where to put you anymore
you can't be kept inside my dresser drawer
i find the pieces of you in my dreams
and in the evenings
spill out the edge of my mind.
memories of you feel like they're miles wide
it's all i can do to get to the other side
of these evenings
can't see myself back beside you
but i see nobody else
nobody's perfect but i'm perfectly happy to keep on
bringing this love down off the shelf.
better off, i couldn't say if i'd be better off without a love i live without anyway
you can't be kept inside my dresser drawer
i find the pieces of you in my dreams
and in the evenings
spill out the edge of my mind.
memories of you feel like they're miles wide
it's all i can do to get to the other side
of these evenings
can't see myself back beside you
but i see nobody else
nobody's perfect but i'm perfectly happy to keep on
bringing this love down off the shelf.
better off, i couldn't say if i'd be better off without a love i live without anyway
Sunday, June 20, 2010
we can't move on we can't stay here
i'm wishing you joy and happiness
but above all this i wish you love
i am grateful for the knowledge of pain and sacrifice. of deep heartache and missing someone so hard it physically hurts, of being intimately familiar with the way your heart rate pulses and skips and slows. because it's part of knowing love. joy and happiness are wonderful, but completely one dimensional without the experience of the depth of pain.
i often tell people that i wish i had never met you because i would never have had to set the bar at where you are. to learn what i am capable of feeling. to be able to feel so connected from so far away. to say "you know?" and have you reply, "yes. completely."
today i know that isn't true. today, through tears and troubled breathing, i'm deeply afraid that i won't ever find this again. and yet, inexplicably, i do not wish that at all.
but above all this i wish you love
i am grateful for the knowledge of pain and sacrifice. of deep heartache and missing someone so hard it physically hurts, of being intimately familiar with the way your heart rate pulses and skips and slows. because it's part of knowing love. joy and happiness are wonderful, but completely one dimensional without the experience of the depth of pain.
i often tell people that i wish i had never met you because i would never have had to set the bar at where you are. to learn what i am capable of feeling. to be able to feel so connected from so far away. to say "you know?" and have you reply, "yes. completely."
today i know that isn't true. today, through tears and troubled breathing, i'm deeply afraid that i won't ever find this again. and yet, inexplicably, i do not wish that at all.
Monday, June 14, 2010
insomnia
night won't breathe, oh how we
fall in silence from the sky
and whisper some silver reply
unwilling to go to bed because i'm afraid of the way my mind drifts right before i fall asleep. afraid of what i might dream.
instead, soft violin alongside a bird's solo chirping. the midnight breeze swirls into the room and lingers, bringing with it darkness and the quiet of the night.
you woke me up again. i'd pushed you into the corners of my mind, where i thought i could trap you, but you dragged yourself into my early morning reveries. i might have escaped without remembering, if it weren't for an unfortunate artificial disturbing of my REM sleep.
really, only you could terrify me with a smile.
fall in silence from the sky
and whisper some silver reply
unwilling to go to bed because i'm afraid of the way my mind drifts right before i fall asleep. afraid of what i might dream.
instead, soft violin alongside a bird's solo chirping. the midnight breeze swirls into the room and lingers, bringing with it darkness and the quiet of the night.
you woke me up again. i'd pushed you into the corners of my mind, where i thought i could trap you, but you dragged yourself into my early morning reveries. i might have escaped without remembering, if it weren't for an unfortunate artificial disturbing of my REM sleep.
really, only you could terrify me with a smile.
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