we can't move on we can't stay here

i'm wishing you joy and happiness
but above all this i wish you love

i am grateful for the knowledge of pain and sacrifice. of deep heartache and missing someone so hard it physically hurts, of being intimately familiar with the way your heart rate pulses and skips and slows. because it's part of knowing love. joy and happiness are wonderful, but completely one dimensional without the experience of the depth of pain.

i often tell people that i wish i had never met you because i would never have had to set the bar at where you are. to learn what i am capable of feeling. to be able to feel so connected from so far away. to say "you know?" and have you reply, "yes. completely."

today i know that isn't true. today, through tears and troubled breathing, i'm deeply afraid that i won't ever find this again. and yet, inexplicably, i do not wish that at all.