day 12

dear __________,

sometimes i catch a wayward glance and i ask, "what?" you just shake your head. sometimes you catch me staring off into space and you ask, "what?" i smile and say "nothing."

i'm so accustomed to the person you are now that it takes me a considerable amount of effort to remember the person you were. when you grow up with someone, your relationship evolves on such a micro level that you don't realize anything has changed. until, occasionally, something--a song on the radio, a waft of cologne--triggers a memory, and you see it.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to not know you anymore. would i ever think about you? would i still miss you? would it still hurt to hear your name? would i be remembering it all wrong?

i'm happy i know you as we are now. because i feel nothing. because once upon a time, i felt a whole lot worse than nothing, and i really didn't know if i was ever going to recover.

and now, when i don't think i'm ever going to recover from this chronic sadness, i might pull up that song from the radio, remember that i healed, and know that i can heal again.

thank you, because i couldn't know that without you.

love,
me.