stranger

you know how they say sometimes you wake up and don't recognize the person next to you at all? that the person you married disappeared somewhere along the way, and suddenly you realize you're sleeping next to a stranger?

i loved you for so long that i didn't notice that the person you were is gone. at times i still get a hint of your former self, but mostly i can barely recall your face. and now, from an unbearable distance away, i'm still grasping at your empty shell; a shadow of who you were.

i spent so much of my short adulthood loving you that i barely know how to be without it. it fueled so much of who i became--my hopes and dreams, my fears and insecurities. the truth is, i'm a little lost without you. but i'll learn.

i think i could cry.

i thought i backed up my starlaced.net blog but i didn't. so i lost a year's worth of posts, including everything i wrote while i was in hong kong. i'm so sad.. now i'm already starting to forget all the stuff that happened there.

sad.

sometimes i think that tiny twinkling lights in the sky are some of the most wondrous things a person can ever encounter.

oh crap, its already mid august. i've gotten out of the habit of blogging regularly and it's hard to remember to do it.

summer flew by and then came to an abrupt halt, and now it's inching along at a painful pace. i'm in class now, my last class ever of my undergraduate career, and it could not be more boring. life in san diego is definitely lazy. the days are spent lounging around watching friends endlessly on dvd, hanging out in bookstores, basking under the sun. campus is empty and you can actually hear leaves rustling in the middle of the day, even in the lightest of breezes. it's pleasant. for about an hour, before i ache to be surrounded by some life again.

at least the summer's had a bunch of mini-trips and they've been really really fun and relaxing. san francisco with the eap kids was such a blast.. tahoe was beautiful and tranquil and just the most perfect getaway.. and this past weekend hanging out in laguna with the girls was so much fun. i'll try to remember to put pictures up soon.

anyway this bit will be over soon enough and then i get to look forward to a week in oregon and then a week in new york with angie. YAY! im so excited.

oh, and i hope i get a job soon. :T

cheers!

reopened?

oh, lordy.

well, enough with the hopping around on different websites. i'm too fickle to stay in one place for too long, and too lazy to keep up with a real personal domain. after starlaced.net went down i figured i'd just give up altogether.

but recently i came upon a couple friends' blogs that had archives dating consistently back to 2002! wow. i was jealous. those memories of mine are scattered all over the place, and i know they're saved somewhere but i don't even have the energy to go find them. haha. but it would be nice, five years down the line, to look back and know what i was feeling during all this madness that is post-college life.

i think i'm done with xanga and livejournal. i still like lj.. but it's kind of weird forcing yourself onto people's subscription pages.

anyway. blogger's been good to me.. i still have posts from 2001 hosted on here! i hope no one ever reads that one. how embarrassing.